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VoicesofRomance.com Newsletter Spring 2007

Express your passion, your romance, your love

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------------------------------------|CONTENTS|-------------------------------------------

--|1|-- INTRO: THE SPIRITUAL AND PRACTICAL

--|2|-- THE ULTIMATE PURPOSE OF SEX

--|3|-- THE “NOW” OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP

--|4|-- CAN WE LEARN ABOUT ROMANCE FROM A MARKETING BOOK?

--|5|-- QUESTIONS COUPLES SHOULD ASK BEFORE MARRYING

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--|1|-- INTRO

We begin with the spiritual side of sex and relationships with the first
two entries of this special Spring 2007 VoR newsletter. Then we go to the
practical, from lessons we all can learn from a marvelous book,
“Lovemarks: The Future Beyond Brands,” to 15 questions couples should ask
before marrying.

Our lives often swing from the practical to the spiritual, from the earthy
realities of day-to-day living to the vision quests embodied in our love
for the arts or some craft or anything you’ve chosen to give your time,
care and affection to. Like your sweetheart, with whom you share your
life. Great dance, visual art and music, for instance, point to the
heights that human beings can achieve, all from a spark of creativity–a
spiritual inheritance. Great relationships are the solid rock of fulfilled
couples and strong families and communities.

Shouldn’t we strive for greatness in our relationships, not just existing
or getting by? This greatness will arrive on the wings of how you handle
the practical and spiritual aspects of life. Don’t you agree? Let’s see.

--|2|-- THE ULTIMATE PURPOSE OF SEX isn’t pleasure nor is it making
babies. Pleasure facilitates the ultimate purpose, though. When children
become adults they carry on the human species and thereby families
continue through time. But the ultimate purpose of sex is beyond time.

The naturally improvisational beauty of sex, its power and passion, its
visceral pleasure, can all lead to the union of two becoming one . . .
again.

That’s what sex is about ultimately, joining two poles together in bliss
as a hint of the bliss of joining again with our Maker. Someone once said
that being in heaven is like a continuous orgasm. What a concept!

--|3|-- THE “NOW” OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP is what will make it or break it.
Not the past, not the future. Think about it.

So often we drag the past into our relationships like a ball on a chain of
pain and discontent. Maybe it’s the past of a previous hurtful
relationship, or the remembrance of bad things past in your current one.

But if you decide to forgive, really forgive, both yourself and others for
the “wrongs” of yesterday and yesteryear, then the present moment doesn’t
have to be hampered by the illusion of the past. Especially when the
behavior, “the wrongs”, remain in the past and are not repeated in the
present.

The future can be illusory too, a place for fantasy and reaching for that
special relationship that will make us complete. Don’t get us wrong—as
human beings with dual natures, in this case male and female—we naturally
seek completion in others, so who better than our “significant other”?
Good question.

The glimpse into the bliss of romance and true love that we experience too
fleetingly all too often is not a lie. When we feel quickened and more
alive in the presence of our special someone, who gets closer to us in
more ways than anybody (even parents, friends, or our children), that’s an
indication of the bliss that underlies our very being. But the sense of
completion we long for, and may find temporarily in another person, is but
a symptom of a deeper longing to be reunited with our Creator, from whom we
very often feel separated and even abandoned in a cruel, unfair world.

The true “you” isn’t your physical body or your mind. Let’s call the
combination of your body and mind the EGO. Neither is the true you your
emotions, though those emotions can be a window leading to that
energy-consciousness force that impregnates Life itself. The true you is
One with the “I am that I am” that’s beyond the past or the future. As
Eckhart Tolle so brilliantly elucidates in his modern classic, “The Power
of Now,” our relationship with our spouses and life mates can be a tool to
become more conscious, aware, and in tune with our true Self, rather than a
sad location for the vacillating forms of love-hate, blame and
guilt-mongering, judgment and violence of so many modern relationships.

Meditate on this statement by Tolle: “. . . Instead of mirroring to each
other your pain and unconsciousness, instead of satisfying your mutual
addictive ego needs, you will reflect back to each other the love that you
feel deep within, the love that comes with the realization of your oneness
with all that is. This is the love that has no opposite.”

The retiring senior pastor of the internationally renowned Riverside
Church in New York City reflected recently on how he and his wife of 44
years sustained their relationship. He said that he consistently
recognized the God in his wife and made conscious notes of those wonderful
attributes. When moments came, as they inevitably do, that tested their
love, he had that list of divine qualities to refocus on and draw upon for
renewal.

So write down the wonderful traits of your mate that you would associate
with God—loving, caring, nurturing, forgiving, tender, strong, protective,
beautiful, and many other attributes—and focus on them in times of
trouble.

Now for some more practical ways we can approach this spiritual state. . .
Just keep reading!

--|4|-- CAN WE LEARN ABOUT ROMANCE FROM A MARKETING BOOK?

LOVEMARKS: THE FUTURE BEYOND BRANDS
By Kevin Roberts

Yes, we can certainly learn a lot about romance from this modern-day
classic by Kevin Roberts, CEO Worldwide of the advertising giant Saatchi &
Saatchi. According to Roberts, the next phase of development of the
consumer/product/brand relationship is “love marks”.

Beyond trademarks and even brands is a rarified place where consumers fall
in love with a product or brand based upon an emotional identification of
loyalty beyond reason. Brand management is based on rational choices, love
marks are companies and products beloved by communities of people.

But this love is grounded in respect with “performance, reputation, and
trust as its organizing principles.” And when looking for products that go
beyond just being trusted by consumers, Roberts and his company identified
three attributes that take on emotional resonance:

Mystery, Sensuality, and Intimacy.

Here’s where this marketing/business book gets deep. Let’s keep using the
categories Roberts developed in relation to company’s products and
services and their customers, but apply them to personal relationships.

To identify “what makes a truly great love stand out?” Roberts and his
team looked at the three attributes and came up with:

Mystery: involves great stories, past, present and future; taps into
dreams, myths and icons; and inspiration.

Sensuality: involves the five senses - sound, sight, smell, touch and
taste.

Intimacy: Commitment, empathy and passion.

What are the implications for love relationships? If your love affair has
a great story to it, if you use the time arc of past, present and future
to identify a vision and direction of your love relationship, while
remaining firmly “in the now,” if you allow yourselves to dream and be
inspired by one another, wouldn’t this be a great foundation?

If you keep all of your senses vibrant and connected with your sweetheart,
how can romance be dead?

And when there’s a commitment to the same life path, to joining together
to face the world, to being a source of stability and growth for each
other, coupled with an empathy that understands your own and your lover’s
limitations, all tied to a passion that burns like a fuel in the tank of
your relationship, isn’t this a model for life-long success?

Check out the beautifully illustrated and lovely written book, “Lovemarks:
The Future Beyond Brands.” Even if it’s a tough model to live, it’s sure
worth aspiring to.

--|5|-- QUESTIONS COUPLES SHOULD ASK BEFORE MARRIAGE

Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other
critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples
should consider asking:

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is
yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and
goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be
maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and
fears?

7) Will there be a television in the bedroom? [Now that’s practical!]

8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s
ideas and complaints?

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs
and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed
to religious/moral education?

10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?

11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us
concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

12) What does my family do that annoys you?

13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in
the marriage?

14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far
from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?

15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the
marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may
face?

Before marrying, ask yourselves these questions to determine if you really
want to spend the remainder of your life with this person. If the majority
of couples would face these questions, the divorce rate would drop big
time!

From the practical to the spiritual view of love relationships, we remain
. . .

Romantically yours,
Greg Thomas and Jewel Kinch
http://www.VoicesofRomance.com

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Copyright (c) 2005-2007, Greg Thomas and Jewel Kinch. This newsletter can
be posted or forwarded to anyone for free but please keep the entire issue
intact.